Why Wedding Engagement Is Important Before Marriage

Marriage is a huge shift in your journey as a couple, and engagement plays a very important role in the process.

Generally, engagement is the process by which a couple prepares to make a lifetime commitment, characterized by self-reflection and explorations of all aspects of the relationship, including the commitment level, personalities, compatibility and expectations.

However, the decision to get engaged or not before the wedding will obviously vary from person-to-person and couple-to-couple. Let’s explore this topic a little bit more!

What Is A Wedding Engagement

Engagement is also known as “betrothal”, which takes place after a successful marriage proposal and ends before the day of marriage. However, it varies vastly and is largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved. During this period, a couple are referred to as fiancés (from the French), betrothed, intended or affianced. Engaged individuals might be referred to as either fiancées (female) or fiancés (male).

Different Views and Practices Of Engagement Period (Religious and Cultural)

In most Christian denominations, engagement is regarded as a declaration of intent. The couple want to make their commitment to each other before God and the church official with an optional rite which is meant to bless and ratify their intent. Here are some other ways engagements are practiced.

Negotiation of Match (Pre-arranged Marriage)

The decision of who to marry is often made by the couple’s families. Even though this was more common in the past, you can still find it being practiced in some culturally conservative countries like Israel and India. The goal of this activity would be to help young people find the right person to marry. Arranged marriages come in many different forms, with various customs, lengths of courtship and so on. For example, some arranged marriages include practical considerations like financial security, whereas others are focused more on uniting family ties.

Trial Marriage

In some cultures, a couple tend to spend time together before getting married. For example, in colonial North America, the betrothal was basically a test of how well the two people could get along before deciding to go ahead and tie the knot, and marriage was only necessary in cases of pregnancy. The emergent concept of ‘trial marriages’ is quickly gaining popularity among millennials, where most people believe that engagement is a time for the couple to assess whether they are really ready for marriage or not. It can be an opportunity for preparation and adjustments for both parties before getting married officially.

In most cases, couples live together to attain this. This helps the couple understand each other more deeply. They can experience what it’s like to live with each other and each can see how their potential spouse reacts to different situations. It also helps them understand if they are compatible in the long term. If there are any issues, they can work on those during the engagement period instead of after marriage, when it is too late.

Preparatory Time

Many cultures consider the betrothal period to be a test of readiness while also acting as an important period of life transition. For instance, it could involve the process of building a house, starting or expanding a business, or otherwise showing signs of readiness to have their own family.

Things To Expect During Engagement Period

A New Level Of Relationship Intimacy

How does this happen? After a successful proposal, expect that love and care will be poured back and forth between you and your partner at an entirely new level! When a person shows love, care and concern for their fiancée, it’s natural for the fiancée to start to reciprocate those feelings. That is why a new level of relationship intimacy is reached during engagement.

Once engaged, you will now be able to express your feelings in a more intimate way because you have established trust with each other.  Trust grows as you accept your partner for who they are matter what the situation may be. As trust builds, you will be able to enjoy deeper and more passionate intimacy in your relationship.

Discovering New Things and Dealing With Changes

For example, one person might get impatient with problems, while the other may patiently expect everything to work out perfectly. Some differences in expectations can lead to unwanted conflict, which can cause a couple to end their relationship before marriage— if not handled well. One way to avoid these conflicts is by talking through the differences while they’re still minor issues. How you cope with the changes in your relationship is the key to a successful engagement!

Integration With Your New And Future Family Members

During engagement, expect more and deeper involvement with the family of both parties. You need to adjust to each family member in order to integrate into your new future family.

In fact, everyone may need to adapt and learn how to deal with differences in personalities and lifestyles! Sometimes, it can be hard to understand how others behave; and sometimes it might be difficult to find common ground with family members who are different from you. On the other hand, you may also experience increasing levels of closeness to your partner’s family members. In any case, it’s important to prepare for the process of integrating into your future family by getting to know them well and adjusting yourself accordingly. More flexibility; less constriction!

Although it is a cliché, once you decide to marry your future spouse, it really is true that you don’t marry into the family— you marry the family! Your partner’s family members are a part of your new life. They can have huge impacts on your relationship, especially in the beginning of your marriage.

How Long Should You Be Engaged Before Marriage

The length of time for engagement has varied over the course of time with different cultures and regions. When discussing with your partner the length of your own engagement, it is beneficial to include other topics of importance at the same time, such as how many children you hope to have, your beliefs about marriage, and/or your financial stability.

Planning your wedding will also take time. Typically, couples can expect to spend about a year together before getting married. An engagement of 12 to 18 months is just about right – it gives you plenty of time to plan and work for your wedding!

Planning your wedding can get overwhelming, but with a little help from wedding experts, you’ll have time to do what feels right instead of stressing over your lists. With some consultation, you can find ways to keep costs down and still plan the perfect wedding. Although it may not be possible to have every wish come true, this is a good time to start thinking about what really matters most to you and your partner. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the numbers, focus your thoughts on what and who really matters to you.

Engagement has traditionally been seen both as an expression of the will to marry and as a time of preparation for the couple. Regardless of the outward form it takes, the enduring significance of engagement continues to stand the test of time!

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